


Silver Lining

by LizaCameron



Series: Silver Lining [1]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-03-06
Updated: 2004-03-06
Packaged: 2019-05-30 13:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15097637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizaCameron/pseuds/LizaCameron
Summary: The First Lady hires Donna away from Josh. (This was my first ever fanfic, unbetaed)





	Silver Lining

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

 

 

**Silver Lining**

**by:** Liza C.

 **Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** J/D  
**Category(s):** Romance  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Summary:** The First Lady hires Donna away from Josh.  
**Author's Note:** This picks up right after The Benign Prerogative ended and follows nothing in the show after that.

~AFTER THE STATE OF THE UNION~

"I'm serious Jed, I'm back and I'm going to work."

"Okay."  Jed continued to read as Abby fluttered around their bedroom.

"I'm not going to be quiet anymore. You're going to hear from me."

"Okay."

"And your staff is going to hear from my staff."

He set down his book and smiled ruefully at his wife.  "My dear, are you trying to tell me you're bringing back Amy Gardner?"

Abby smirked.  "That got your attention."  Jed remained silent but looked pointedly at her over his glasses.  She relented, "No, but thank you for firing my Chief of Staff without consulting me."

Jed sighed, "Abby, she wasn't going about things the right way..."

She cut him off, "Jed, its fine. You were right, I wasn't here.  Besides as good as Amy is she probably wasn't right for the job.  Certainly she knows the game, but I don't want to play games anymore, political or otherwise, with you or your staff.  I want to make a difference for women and children in this country.  I told Leo I wanted to role up my sleeves and I do, I want to make a contribution and be a voice in this administration."

"I'm listening."

She smiled.  "I appreciate that."

"So it sounds like you have a plan."

"I do have a plan.  My plan is to be a part of the team.  And I think the best way to do that is to hire a new Chief of Staff..."  She paused before continuing, "Someone that your staff respects, someone who will work with your people instead of against them... someone bright who knows the game but doesn't delight in playing it... you know someone who can handle...say... Josh, but who he won't rejoice in beating."

"Kind of a tall order don't you think, Abigail."

If her back hadn't been to him as she took off her earrings he would have seen the smug expression on her face. "Actually, I have someone in mind."  She said as she came back to the bed and busied herself turning down the covers on her side.

"The only person who can handle Josh..."  He trailed off as he looked over at his wife, understanding dawning in his voice. "No."  He said shaking his head.  "My Deputy Chief of Staff would lose his mind."

"What?  I'm just tossing around a few ideas...  And your Deputy Chief of Staff losing his mind is just... icing."  She looked like the cat that swallowed the canary.

"Abby..."

"Jed" She interrupted him.  "I'm currently just considering my options."  She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.   "Good night my love, get some rest."  She said as she turned over and then in a softer voice, "You know if I forgot to say, you did good tonight."

Jed smiled broadly.  He was just so happy to have his wife back that he didn't care if she was about to wreck havoc on his staff.

*****************************

"You still here?"  Donna asked as she peaked into Josh's office.

Josh's head shot up the second he heard her voice, "Yeah, I was..." he had been about to say 'waiting for you' when he stopped himself, instead he said "um finishing up some stuff, waiting for polling numbers on the State of the Union..." He trailed off before adding, "What about you, are you done with the special guests?"

"Yes, they're all finally gone." She said with a wane smile, the strain of the evening evident on her face.  "Those people, they were all so happy and grateful but I couldn't stop thinking about..." She stopped afraid she would get emotional all over again.

Josh stood and crossed towards her.  "You were a big part of why all those people were pardoned tonight, you know that right?"

"Josh, I didn't have anything to do with..."

Josh put a hand on either of her shoulder. "Donna, you convinced me that it shouldn't just be a handful of pardons that they all deserved a second chance, and I convinced Leo and the President.  You made that happen."

"It didn't happen for Donovan Morrisey."  She looked down.

"Politics got in the way and it's a tragedy, but it's not your fault and you've got to focus on the good you did tonight."

She nodded in disagreement, "Josh seriously all I did was read the files..."

He gripped her arms tighter, "No, you read the files, you took the meetings and then you knew the right thing to do." He reached over and lifted her chin so their eyes met.  "Sometimes, doing what we do, you forget we're talking about people's lives... you didn't forget." Then he added in a whisper, "You were my conscience."

They stood, eyes locked, for a time something passing between them... but neither knew exactly what.  Donna was the first to shake it off, "It's late I should get going." She started to turn, but halted and looked back at him pointedly, "You should go too."

He shrugged, "I have a couple of things and then..."

"Josh."  She interrupted.

He smiled at her, "Alright."  Although, Josh would never admit it out loud, he loved the way Donna looked after him. "I'll walk out with you."

Donna rewarded him with a warm smile.

*****************************

~8:15 AM WEDNESDAY~

"What's next?  Jed asked his senior staff.

"Josh and Toby have the thing with Parsons on the Hill."  Leo answered

"You guys ready?"

"Yes, Mr. President."  Toby replied as Josh nodded his affirmation.

"Good, brief me when you get back."

"That's it." Leo said and the senior staff started to exit the Oval Office.

"Leo, a minute."  The President directed at his Chief of Staff.

Once the others had exited, Leo looked at him expectantly.

"Abby is back."  Jed said as he looked over at his old friend.  "She's back and she wants to play a role."

"I figured as much sir."  Leo replied with a stiff smile.  Still not knowing where he stood personally with the First Lady, Abigail Bartlet made for an awkward subject of conversation for Leo to engage in with the President.

"Apparently she's going to take a different tact, work in harmony with the West Wing, etcetera; she wants to hire a Chief of Staff that can accomplish that."

"I think that's great."  Leo's groan was almost inaudible, almost.

"No you don't."

"Well I think it's great that she's back and if she wants to have a voice in things... your staff will prioritize your agenda in whatever way you tell them to..."  Leo changed the subject, "And there are a lot of good people, I can have Josh suggest a list of candidates for her Chief of Staff position."

"I don't think that will be necessary."

"She has someone in mind?"  Leo looked surprised.

"Yes, and I don't think this person would be on Josh's list."

"Not Amy?"  Leo looked suddenly weary.

"No, No."  Jed laughed at Leo's apprehension.   "I think her candidate is someone who has considerably more influence over Josh than Amy did... she said she wanted someone who was bright, understood the politics, was respected by the senior staff and who can handle your Deputy."

A look of understanding crossed Leo's face.  "Oh no, she wants Donna."

"Well she didn't come out and say it, but who else fits that description?"

"She wants Donna for her Chief of Staff."  Leo said thoughtfully.  "Actually it's a really good choice."

"Yes."

"Donna is ripe for a promotion she has really taken on a lot more responsibility lately.  I think she's ready for this."

"Agreed."

"She would certainly have the respect of everyone in the West Wing and as for Josh... well it's going to kill Josh."

"I know."

"Does Abby know?'

Jed nodded.  "I think she regards it as something of a bonus."

Jed and Leo chuckled, and then Jed looked seriously at Leo.  "Will he be okay?"

"He'll be crazy. But he'll get over losing her professionally, if he gets too crazy we can use the silver lining argument."

"What's the silver lining argument?" Jed looked puzzled.

"Well that if she's no longer his assistant, then he will no longer be her boss."

"I see." The President raised an eyebrow at his old friend.  "It's like that is it?"

"Sir, come on... Don't try to tell me you haven't noticed?"  Leo looked pointedly at the President and then shook his head quickly, "Actually I try not to notice anything, but some things are just, you know, so horrifyingly obvious that I have no choice but to notice."

They both laughed before the President admitted, "Yes, of course I've noticed but I had a year ago Christmas in the pool and when that came and went I guess I ceased to care."   The President snickered at his own joke while Leo nodded in agreement and exited the Oval Office.

**************************************

"Angela" Abby Bartlet called down the hall trying to capture the attention of Angela Blake as she hurried towards the bull pen.

Angela stopped and turned.  If she was surprised to find the First Lady of the United States hurrying after her, her face didn't register it.  "Yes, Mrs. Bartlet, How are you Ma'am?" she asked.

"I'm fine thank you." The First Lady had caught up with her, "May I have a moment of your time?"

"Of course, Ma'am."

"In here."  Abby motioned to the unoccupied Roosevelt Room.

Angela stepped into the room, "I'm happy to help you in any way I can."

Mrs. Bartlet looked at her, "Donna Moss."

Angela looked puzzled, "What about her Ma'am?"

"I heard she worked closely with you during the budget crisis?"

"She did."

As Abby moved to close the door she asked, "I want to ask what you thought of the work she did with you..."

*******************************************************

"Leo, Mrs. Bartlet wants to know if you have a minute," Margaret said as she walked into the Chief of Staff's office.

Leo looked up from his phone call.  He covered the mouth piece, "Sure, send her in I'll be off in two minutes."

Mrs. Bartlet wandered into the room and looked around while waiting for him to finish up his call.  As soon as he had replaced the received she began without preamble, "I want to hire someone from your staff for my staff."

"I know."

"I want Donna."

"I know."

"You know?"  She looked at him questioningly.

"The President gave me a heads up this morning."

"Oh, well... I just wanted to inform you of my intention to hire her, so I guess that's it."

"You know this is going to be upsetting for Josh."

Mrs. Bartlet looked at Leo blankly.  "I assumed as much, but I am confident that he will be happy to see Donna advance."

"I'm hoping he looks at it that way, too."

"Well Josh's reaction really isn't my concern, besides Jed told me about the Silver Lining argument, so that should temper any disappointment he has on a professional level, right?"

Leo cringed "You know the less I think about the personal lives of my staff the better."

"Maybe I'm doing you a favor, seems like you've been concerned about dodging this particular bullet for quite some time..." Abby replied.

"Only since the New Hampshire Primary," He smiled finally, before adding, "during the first election." They both laughed breaking the ice a little, "Well I'll need to talk to Josh before he hears anything, so you let me know when you want to meet with Donna and then I'll break it to Josh?"

"Tomorrow Morning."  The First Lady stated and turned to leave.

"Okay, tomorrow."  Leo tentatively looked at her retreating form trying to find a way to breach the gap between them professionally.  "Abby, she's a good choice."

She looked back briefly before exiting, "You don't need to tell me that."

 ***********

~THE NEXT MORNING~

"Margaret!" Leo yelled from his office.

"Yes, Leo?" Margaret appeared immediately in his door.

"Find Josh and get him down here when he's got a free moment."  Leo looked up when he didn't hear a response.  "What are you waiting for?"

Margaret looked up unfazed by Leo's glare "So it's true?"

"What?" Leo sounded exasperated already.

"Donna.  It's true that Donna is going to work for the First Lady?"  Leo just stared at her.  "Because that's great, Donna would be great as her Chief of Staff.  I think more assistants should..."

"Margaret..."  Leo interrupted as he shook his head, "How do you know that?  The only people who know about this are me, the President and the First Lady.  How do you know?  Are you listening at the door again?"

"Well."  Margaret looked down before plunging in, "Dale in human resources said that The First Lady had been over there poking around looking in her personnel file and Suzie in political affairs said that Mrs. Bartlet was asking about Donna's work with..."

"Oh Geez, okay, find Josh right now."

"Okay."  Margaret turned and moved out the door.

Leo muttered to himself. "Last thing I need is Josh finding out about this from Suzie in Political Affairs..."

*************************************

Donna was certainly curious why Jan Stebbins, the First Lady's personal assistant, had called and asked her to come up to the residence.   Josh had just been called into Leo's office on some urgent matter on the other so she figured he wouldn't miss her for the duration of her visit to the residence.  She couldn't imagine it would take long.  When she arrived she was ushered into the sitting room; Jane told her that the First Lady would be there momentarily and excused herself.

"Donna, Good Morning, Thanks for coming up on such short notice."  Mrs. Bartlet swept into the room.

Donna stood, "Of course ma'am."

"Sit down, sit down I apologize for doing this in the residence but I didn't want to invite gossip before it's a done deal by meeting with you in my office."  The First Lady took a seat in the chair opposite Donna and signaled for the Steward to enter.  Donna hadn't noticed him standing there by the door and she was struck once again by how stealthy the staff that served the President was.  "Tea, Donna?"  The First Lady offered.

For a moment Donna was struck dumb by the fact that the First Lady had called her to the residence and was now offering her tea, she realized that Mrs. Bartlet was still starring at her and was able to recover, "Okay... sure if you're having some Ma'am."

"Excellent," replied the First Lady as she motioned for the steward to pour. "Donna, I'm sure you're wondering why I asked you to meet me this morning."

Donna relaxed a bit seeing the kind look in the other woman's eyes "Yes, Ma'am, I admit I'm curious."

"Donna, do you enjoy working for Josh?"  Mrs. Bartlet dove in.

"Excuse me?"

"Josh.  Do you enjoy working for him?"

"Um, I well... Donna stuttered having no idea what the First Lady was getting at "Yes?" It came out as a question rather than an answer.

A fact which did not go unnoticed by Mrs. Bartlet, she smirked, "Was that a question?"

"No, I mean, Yes, I love working here.  I love my job." She stared emphatically, but betrayed a bit of worry when she asked.  "Have I done something wrong?"

Mrs. Bartlet smiled, "No, No I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you think you were in trouble and I believe you love working in the White House, what I'm curious about is your working for Josh.  You've been with him for, what?"

"Almost seven years," Donna supplied feeling very nervous all of a sudden.

"I just wonder why?"

"Ma'am?"  Donna felt her insides twist, 'she knows, she knows I have...' but stopped unable to admit or define her feelings for her boss even to herself.  Suddenly she realized Mrs. Bartlet had been talking and snapped back to attention.

"... I just don't understand how such an affable, competent young woman could put up with that insufferable egomaniacal jackass for seven years?!"

Donna's eyes were huge, "Oh no, what has he done now?"

Before the First Lady could respond Donna launched into full Defend Josh Mode.  "I know he can be those things you said, I know better than anybody, but he is also a committed, compassionate..." She took a deep breath before resuming her defense, "kind man, he genuinely cares about what he's doing, about what we're doing in this building.  He really only wants to do good."  She paused and looked up at the first lady, "And I've learned so much for him... I owe him everything."

The first Lady smiled slyly, "Well I guess that answered that question.  Donna, I asked you here this morning to offer you a position on my staff."

Donna was stunned, if she was expecting anything that wasn't it. Her eyes wide she opened her mouth then closed it again.

"Donna?" The First Lady looked at her questioningly.

She tried to pull herself together; she knew she needed to say something. "Ma'am I'm... I just wasn't expecting that. I thought for sure this was about one of Josh's messes."

"No, Donna I want you to come work for me."

Donna looked at her dumbfounded, "But Ma'am you already have an assistant..."

"Actually I have three, one personal, one social and one administrative."

"So why would you want another?"

"I don't want to hire you as one of my assistants; I want to hire you to be their boss."

"Their boss, I don't understand. Their boss would be..."

"My Chief of Staff." The First Lady replied.

"Your Chief of Staff?  You want me to be your Chief of Staff?" Donna was absolutely floored.

"Yes, Donna."

"But I'm an assistant, a Senior Assistant yes but still just an assistant."

"You know how people, who were once assistants, are no longer assistant anymore?"  The first lady looked inquisitive, "They get promoted.  This would be a promotion."

"I should think so," Donna said thoughtfully before continuing, "Ma'am may I ask why?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Why me?  Your last Chief of Staff was Amy Gardner who was Harvard educated, extremely experienced and a player in the party I'm none of those things..." She trailed off.

"Well it didn't work out with Amy, probably because she is too much of those things."  She sighed, "Besides I would disagree that you are none of those things, I would argue that you are very experienced and more of a player than you realize."

"Really?"  Donna looked puzzled. While the First Lady might have a point about her experience, because if you thought about it seven years working for Josh Lyman was like working in dog years for anybody else.  And using that equation then she had something a kin to 49 years of experience. But a player, Donna was honestly surprised to hear she might actually be one.

"Donna, do you know what the first step to becoming a player in politics is?  You have to know a lot of people.  Is there any Congressperson or top Congressional aide that doesn't know who you are?  Or how about any Cabinet Member or other high ranking official for that matter?"

Donna thought about it, and she would have to admit there probably weren't many that she didn't know.  Everybody knew Josh everybody needed Josh and to get to him they all needed to go through her."

Mrs. Bartlet continued. "But that's not why I wanted you, because you're right if I wanted a player, I would have hired Amy back.  Donna I want to take a new tact in pushing my agenda, the old way wasn't working. I feel I'm running out of time and opportunities.

Donna nodded, "I think that's terrific, but I'm still not sure why you want me?"

"Donna you've been doing very good working lately outside the realm of your duties as Josh's Senior Assistant.  Whether or not you realized it people have noticed that you've taken on a lot of responsibility.  I've spoken with Angela Blake and she raved about working with you.  She called your knowledge and understanding of the Budget extraordinary.  She also told me about your catch on Social Security.  Leo tells me you take policy meetings, Mrs. Lassiter went out of her way to rave about you, at her husband's funeral no less, so I think that says something; and my husband, who happens to be quite important, told me that you handled much of the heavy lifting on the pardons."

Donna swallowed hard.  She had no idea anybody besides Josh knew what she did on any given day, "I'm sorry Ma'am if I seem flummoxed I'm honored to even have this conversation with you, but I don't know if I'm the right person..."

"I'm sure you're thinking that at times my last Chief of Staff would occasionally play dirty pool."

"Well..."  Donna gave a wide eyed look not wanting to answer, but Mrs. Bartlet had vocalized exactly what she had been thinking.

"I assure you I'm serious about taking a new tact, it's still politics and sometimes things get dirty, but I want to work with the West Wing and push my agenda the right way through honest debate and policy making."  She paused, "And that's why I think you would make an excellent choice."

"Ma'am?"

"I'll be honest Donna, I want you... because you know how they operate over there and you know specifically how my husbands top domestic policy advisor operates.  Everyone on Jed's Senior Staff respects you and I think that is the first hurdle in working with them instead of against them."

"Mrs. Bartlet I'm sure this would be an incredible opportunity, but I don't know how I would be able to leave Josh.  He needs me..."

The First Lady smiled, "Well from what I understand he would need a new assistant eventually anyway as you take on more responsibility.  Besides you would still be working with him occasionally, actually, I'm counting on it."  Mr. Bartlet paused a beat before bringing up the clincher, "Also I've been to personnel; I know what you salary is, this position pays double what you are currently making."

Donna's mind was whirring.  She couldn't believe this was happening; it was so tempting and yet terrifying, for many reasons, at the same time.  "I see."

"I also found that you haven't really used any of your vacation time in a long time.  I know the kind of hours Josh works you, this would be a considerably more humane schedule.  Of course it's still not 9-5, but there would be a lot more flexibility, especially since you'd be setting the agenda."

Donna smiled, "Mrs. Bartlet, lets talk about what exactly this position would entail."

  *************************

"Josh, sit down."  Leo said as Josh entered.  Josh immediately began to panic; it hadn't been that long since he'd almost lost his job.

"What is it?" Josh questioned uneasily as he slid into the chair opposite his boss.

"This isn't going to be easy."  Leo began.

"What did I do?" Josh interrupted.

Leo gave a grim smile, "Nothing, this time it's not you."  He took a deep breath. "It's Donna."

"Donna?" Josh jumped in again.  "What do you mean its Donna, she hasn't done anything.  Whatever it is you think she's done, I'm sure it's a mistake."

"Josh calm down she's not in trouble, just the opposite actually."  He continued as Josh eyed him suspiciously.  "The First Lady wants her."

Josh smirked, "Well I'm pretty sure Donna doesn't swing that direction, but she's a patriot so for her country who knows..."

"Oh, for the love of God!  I sincerely hope you do not make comments like that around your staff."  Leo roared.

Josh had the good sense to at least look slightly embarrassed.  "Of... of course not." He replied while thinking of comments about sex-with-local-gomers-during-dinner and about catholic school uniforms and philately, but he dismissed those.  He only said those to Donna and he didn't count her as someone he had to watch his tongue around.  Come to think about it, he said and did lots of things around her that he would never say or do around any one else on his staff.  He tried not to think about why.

Leo cut to the chase. "As we speak Mrs. Bartlet is offering Donna the position of Chief of Staff to the First Lady."

"What?!" Josh yelped as he jumped out of his chair, "She can't!"

"Josh," Leo sighed.

"No, Leo, she can't have her!" He rushed, "I need her, I found her, I hired her and I trained her.  She can't have her.  I just broke her in..."

"You just broke her in?  Seriously we are going to talk about what you say in front of your staff.  First, yes you did find her and train... seven years ago and you did a good job, because she's ready for more."

"Yes, she is, and I've been giving her more, Leo, she's become even more important to me."

Leo just raised an eyebrow at him.

"More important to me professionally; I will never find someone to replace her..."

"Well I'm sure you're not going to find someone who will put up with you like she does, that's for sure."

"Leo seriously I was prepping her for more..."  Leo felt for his deputy as he saw the initial shock wear off and a sad resignation set in.

"I know, Josh, and actually I'm not at all happy to loser her either, but the First Lady is offering her the job and if she takes it, which she should because it's an excellent opportunity for her, then we have to accept it."

Josh felt like the wind had been knocked out of him.  He sat back down and ran his hands through his hair.  "Maybe she won't want it."

"Don't guilt her."  Josh looked up. "I'm serious Josh, the only reason she wouldn't take it is because she would feel guilty leaving you.  It's a big promotion for her, more money and a chance she's earned to prove herself out side of your office.  Be supportive." With a wave towards the door Leo dismissed him.

"Leo..."

"Josh you can't stop this - if she takes it, she takes it.  You'll hire someone and she'll still be in the building, it's not like you'll never see her again."

"Yeah." Josh replied softly and left the room.   He knew Leo was right.  The logical, rational part of his brain, that was barely functioning at the moment, knew that he would still see her if she worked in the East Wing.  But if didn't make him feel any better, it didn't release the weight that was suddenly sitting on his chest, because he also knew it wouldn't be the same.  He knew that nothing was going to be the same ever again and it terrified him.

 *********************************

Sure enough, when Josh got back to the bullpen she was nowhere to be found.  He entered his office and flopped down on the couch.  He rubbed his eyes trying to release the headache that was building.  He didn't know what to do, he could no more lose her then he could stop her from leaving.  He knew he should be happy for her but he had a pit in his stomach and he didn't want to examine how that was more about losing her than about losing his assistant.

About a half an hour later there was a soft knock on his door.  A second later it opened slowly and Donna poked her head in, "Josh, are you in here?"

"Over here," he said without getting up from the couch or removing his palms from his eyes.

"What's wrong? Are you sick?" She asked the worry evident in the tone of her voice.

'Yes' he wanted to answer, 'sick at the thought of you leaving me,' instead he grumbled, "No... I'm fine." He removed his hands from his face and looked over at her.

"I should come back... later... I'll just go."  She stammered.

"No, Donna, come in." He sat up with a grunt.  "Sit down."  He motioned for her to sit next to him on the couch.  She came over but instead of sitting on the couch she pulled a visitor chair over and sat facing him.  Not trusting herself to sit next to him and still confess that she might be leaving. Might? When did might enter the equation?  Just looking at Josh was making her waver.

"I have to tell you something."

"Okay." He replied softly.

"Mrs. Bartlet offered me a job today."

"I know."

She eyed him suspiciously, "As her Chief of Staff."

"I know."

"You know?"

"Yes."

"How long have you known?"  Donna suddenly pictured Josh knowing and keeping this from her for God knows how long.

"That's why Leo wanted to see me this morning."

"Oh."  Well maybe he didn't keep anything from her.  Damn!  She needed something to make her mad at him so it would be easier to leave.

"What did you say?"

"What?"

"Are you taking the job?"  He asked.   A question which, unfortunately, he already knew the answer to.

"I... I have until tomorrow to decide."  She hedged, "Why are you lying down?"  She asked him apprehensively, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing... headache."  He took a deep breath. "So what are you going to do?"

She looked away, "I don't know."

It took everything he had, but he was determined to be supportive. "Pros?"

"What?"

"Pros and Cons.  Pros?" He demanded.

"It's a good opportunity."

"Yes it is." He said evenly.

"A big promotion."

"True."

"More responsibility."

When he didn't say anything she looked at him enquiringly.  "You have a lot of responsibility here." He answered back.

She nodded, but continued carefully, "I would be making a real contribution."

"Don't say that like you don't make a real contribution here, Donna."  He said more sharply than he had intended.  He saw the surprise in her eyes and took it down a notch.  "You make a real substantive contribution here each and every day."

She nodded and blinked praying she wouldn't tear up at his kind words.  Deciding things needed to be lightened up a bit, she baited him, "More money."

She saw his lips twitch at that one, knowing he was beat, "Yeah."

"Quite a bit more money actually," she pushed.

"I said yeah."

"Better hours."

He looked at her, "It's not like its 9-5 over there."

She smirked, "No, but she promised me it wouldn't be 7-1 everyday either.

"I thought you liked working late with me."  If he had tried to keep the hurt out of his voice he was unsuccessful.  She suspected he really hadn't tried.

She smiled indulgently, "I do, but I also like to, you know, sleep and have a life."  She continued, "I would get to take vacations."

"I let you have a day off last month."  He whined this time.

"That was Christmas Day Josh, that's not a vacation, everyone gets it off..."

"Right," He sat back defeated.

"You know if you took a day off every once and awhile you might actually know what a vacation is..." she tried to cajole him.

"Enough pros," He fought a smile, "Cons?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment then shrugged, "I got nothin'"

His whole face fell and she couldn't take it.

"Well there is that."

"What?"  He brightened.

"That.  I wouldn't be able to tease you like that."  She smiled genuinely, "And I wouldn't be able to not bring you coffee anymore... I'd miss that."

"I'd miss it too."  He replied quickly.

"Would you?" She asked a hundred percent serious all of a sudden, "Really?  Miss it, I mean?"

"Yes."  He said sincerely.

"Me too."  She agreed quietly.

 They sat in silence for several interminable minutes.  He took a deep breath, this was one of the hardest things he'd ever done, but he also knew he owed it to her, "Take it."

"Really?" She looked at him, eyebrows raised in surprise.  She knew she was going to take the job and she knew he knew she was going to take the job, but it was still surprising to hear him advise her to do it.  She was almost... disappointed.  She would have expected him to fight harder to keep her.  Maybe she'd been flattering herself that he would care that much.  She'd been expecting guilt or some passive aggressive maneuver... not quiet encouragement and... support.

"Yeah, you can't pass this up, now get back to work; you haven't left yet."

"Right."  She got up and turned towards the door.

"Donna," He called

She turned back, "What?"

"If you leave, promise you'll still..."  He trailed off not knowing what kind of a guarantee he was looking for.

But apparently Donna knew, she nodded and before leaving the room whispered, "I promise."

Josh watcher her shut the door, he sat back down and pressed his hands against his eyes again.

 **********************************************

The next few weeks passed quickly, Donna interviewed over 30 candidates for Josh's new assistant and finally decided on Roberta Roberts a 52-year-old retired career Marine Staff Sergeant.  She figured if she could stand up to a bunch of military types then she could handle Josh.  The fact that she was tough as nails and not particularly attractive played no role in Donna's decision to recommend Josh hire her - what so ever - at all - well mostly no role.

It was Sunday afternoon and tomorrow she started her new job.  Friday was to have been her last day working for Josh, so she could take the weekend off before hitting the ground running Monday as the Chief of Staff to the First Lady.  Obviously, that hadn't happen.  She knew why, it was his way of not letting go.

"I don't like her." He said as they were going through the materials he'd need on the various bills he would be working on in the next few months.

"Who?"

"Bobbie."

"Josh..."  Donna said exasperatedly.

"She's mean."

"She's not mean."

"She doesn't laugh at my jokes."

"Your jokes aren't funny."

He shot her a hurt look, "You always laugh."

"I'm laughing at you, not with you.  Don't worry she'll learn to do it too."

"She really won't."

Donna chuckled, thinking of the efficient but severe woman, "Probably not."

 "Don't go."  He suddenly looked so lost that she fought the urge to fling her arms around him and comfort him with a hug.

"Josh." She just nodded her head.  Truthfully, she'd been waiting for him to say something like this, but he'd been fairly good through her last few weeks as his assistant.

"Seriously, stay and work for me and laugh at me and don't bring me coffee." His eyes pleaded with her.

"She brings you coffee Josh you should be thrilled.  She is incredibly organized."

"She already told me she won't stay late unless some thing is on the schedule or it's a national emergency." He complained.

"Josh when you kept me late every night and on weekends, was it really because you needed my assistance?"  As soon as the words left her mouth, she couldn't believe she'd said them.  They never acknowledged the differences in their situation compared with the normal parameters of most boss/assistant relationships.

He stared at her a little shocked, knowing it was the closest either of them had ever come to talking about their thing out loud.  He knew that her presence wasn't necessary for many of the late nights they worked, but he always wanted her around, he liked having her in the office and even though he would never admit it he didn't want her out having fun with someone else.  So he always said she had to work late and she always did it.  He never examined his motives too closely and he had always hoped that she didn't notice that his demands on her time were sometimes more personal than professional.

He could have chosen this moment to declare his feelings.  She had given him an opening, hell she was basically out right asking him how he felt. It would be easy, admit that you like being with her and see where it goes, but it's hard to do if you don't know how you feel. Especially hard if you don't understand your own heart and mind and if you've spent seven years denying the existence of any feelings at all.  He felt a bit cornered, so instead of a declaration he said, "That's not the point, the point is she's not up to speed yet and I don't think you should leave until she is."  Things would have gone better if he'd just gone with the declaration.

"Bobbie is perfectly capable of keeping your office running, what is this really about?"  She eyed him suspiciously, curious where he was going with this, maybe he was about to admit something... anything.

"This is about you not being ready."

"What?"  Her head whipped around.

"Donna, this is a high profile position if you fail it will - "

"You think I'm going to fail?"  She interrupted.

"I didn't say that."  This wasn't going the way he planned, he knew he should stop, turn back, but he was angry, he felt abandoned and he'd been bottling it all up since he found out she was leaving.  He couldn't stop.

"Then what are you saying?"  Her eyes flashed at him angrily.

"I'm saying if you fail that it will attach to you... it could ruin you for other things you want to do in politics."

"I can not believe you are saying this to me the night before I start a new job... you encouraged me to take it!"   She was seated and he could see her clench and unclench her fists.

"I know and I want to be supportive but the more I think about it.  I'm just not sure you're ready to spearhead the First Lady's agenda, I mean Amy was a seasoned political operative and she didn't succeed in the job and she came perilously close to..."

Donna wasn't listening.  She stopped hearing him the moment he brought up his ex-girlfriend's name.  Her eyes narrowed and she struggled to keep her voice even, "Did you just compare me and my chances for success with your ex-girlfriend's?"

Josh stopped, realizing he had made a very big error.  "No Donna, what I mean is..."

"I know what you mean."  She replied her tone icy.  "So if I'm not ready why did the First Lady hire me?  She's not a stupid woman Josh."

"Donna-"

"And what about Leo and CJ and Toby and even the President?  Every single one of them has congratulated me and told me that this is a good move for me."

"Donna, I don't want to make you feel bad."

"Too late for that!"

"I know what you're capable of far better than Leo, CJ, Toby or the President and I just don't want to see you make a fool of yourself."

And that was the final straw.  Donna got up and stared past him refusing to meet his eye.  She went to her old desk and finished putting her personal items in a box and grabbed her coat.  Josh knew he had gone to far and he was instantly remorseful but all he could do was stare at her as she rigidly came back to stand in his door.

She took a deep breath and blinked rapidly several times willing herself not to cry.  When she felt she could trust her voice not to quaver she finally allowed herself the last word.

"If looking foolish is what you're concerned about you needn't worry that our association will reflect poorly on you.  No one will blame you if I fail and I'll make sure it won't taint you if I, how did you put it, make a fool of myself.   Feel free to distance yourself from me, because trust me I'll be keeping my distance from you.  I don't think it will be a problem to restrict our dealings to the professional, Mr. Lyman."

And she was gone.  Josh just stood starring at the last place he'd seen her, knowing he should go after her, realizing he was wrong, but having no earthly idea how to fix it.  He was pretty sure he'd just managed to lose the only thing, both professionally and personally, that had ever really mattered to him.

 ****************************

"Donna?"

"Mrs. Bartlet!" Donna squeeked.  "You startled me."  Donna had been sitting in her new office.  She had intended to come in and unpack but she'd just been sitting with her chair turned to the back of the room.

"I thought you were going to take this weekend off?"  The First Lady inquired.

"Oh I'm just finishing up some stuff with Josh."  Donna was relieved at how strong her voice sounded and she hoped that the First Lady wouldn't be able to tell she'd been crying.

"Is everything okay?"  The First Lady asked concerned.

"Oh yes, I'm great I just got something in my eye."  She answered lamely.

"You just came from Josh's office?"  Abby quizzed, while she didn't want to pry she also knew that you didn't get two red and puffy eyes from a little dust circulating in the air.

"Yes, but I'm done over there now."  Donna plastered a smile across her face and the First Lady might have been fooled if it weren't for the red eyes and the fact that she knew that Josh could be a real horse's ass.

But not wanting to push or embarrass Donna, she only nodded, "Well then why don't you go home and we'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes, I think I will.  Good night, Ma'am, I'll see you in the morning."

 

 

 

He didn't see the figure standing in his doorway.

"You need to take your head out of your ass."

Josh, who had been sitting, sulking at his desk was startled to his feet by the presence of the First Lady.  "Excuse me, Ma'am."

"You heard me."  Now they were both standing in Josh's office, starring at one another, neither one blinking.

"Yes, Ma'am... I heard you.  I just don't know what you mean."  Josh said slowly looking hard at the woman at whose feet he laid blame for all... well most... no, to be honest, he blamed her for ALL of his recent problems.

"Well Josh, I meant that you should take your head out of your ass."

"Okay."  Damn, he thought, it's hard to be commanding when your voice squeaks.

They stood in silence for several long moments.  Abby took a different tact, "You know there is a silver lining to Donna no longer being your assistant."

"What would that be?"  He snapped.  The anger and frustration of the last couple of weeks starting to bleed into the tone he was taking with the assistant snatching First Lady.

"Well," she gave him a knowing look, "That Donna will no longer be your assistant."  She placed careful emphasis on the word assistant.

Josh looked at her incredulously, "Are you here to gloat?"

"Oh, Josh, for the love of everything good, would you please take your head out of your ass." The first lady was clearly exasperated.

"Ma'am with all due respect it's late and tomorrow I have to try to conduct the business of the nation with out my..." He paused and sighed looking at the ground.  Thoughts of why she left him and how he was going to survive without her raced through his mind.  He shook his head and finished quickly, "without my Donna."  Why did he say that? "I mean without Donna.  So if you have a point..."

"Good Lord Josh, for being such a smart man you're quite dense.  Why don't you think about the things that Donna has put on hold in her life over the last few years to serve this country and to serve you?  This is a good thing for her, for both of you.  Get over yourself and remember she has earned this, she's ready and you should be happy for her."

Josh was getting ready to retort when he stopped.  As bitter as he was at her, she was right and all he could say was, "Yes, Ma'am."

*************************************************************

Josh stood in Toby's office door.  "The First Lady just told me to take my head out of my ass."

Toby looked up and blinked, his expression was blank.  "Always good advice."

"What do you think she meant?"

"Josh, I've got the thing with the guy in like, 20 minutes."

"The trade thing? Don't give anything away."  Josh turned instantly from confused and sulky into the political animal he normally was.

"Yeah, thanks, Josh.  I'm new so I appreciate your input that I shouldn't give anything away on the trade thing the night before we leave for the EU trade meetings in Geneva."

"Right."  Josh went back to confused and sulky and back to the thing that was foremost on his mind right now, even though he should probably be thinking about their trip in the morning.  "I mean it couldn't be just a general 'take your head out of your ass' right?  She was trying to tell me something."  Toby just stared at him so he continued.  "I mean I don't think it was general advice like wear sunscreen or don't leave the house without clean underwear... I think it was specific... relating to something specific. What do you think?"

"I think I don't care."

Josh just stood there looking a little lost.  "Okay." He started to walk away.

Toby looked back down at his paper and then grunted, looked up and took pity, "Josh."

"Yeah?"  Josh turned back to Toby's door.

"CJ's pretty good at stuff like this."

Josh smiled apprehensively at his reluctant friend.  "Yeah...thanks."

****************************************

Josh stood outside of CJ's office for several minutes before he went in, almost like he was certain she was going to confirm something he wasn't sure he wanted to know. Finally, he took a deep breath, knocked and let himself in her door.

CJ looked up at the knock.  "Josh, my friend, come in, what brings you by on this fine evening?"  Actually, CJ knew exactly what brought him by, but didn't want to scare him off by letting him know that she knew what was on his mind.

"The First Lady told me to take my head out of my ass."

"You do have a way with the ladies, mi amore."  CJ smiled at him.

"Thank you CJ, but I'm trying to figure out why it's bothering me, you know, besides the fact that she's my boss' wife and she said it, like, five times."

"Are you sure that's what's bothering you?"  CJ looked at him directly.

"What do you mean?"

"Today was Donna's last day wasn't it?

"Yes."  Josh suddenly looked so glum CJ wanted to hug him or laugh hysterically at him, but refrained on both counts.

"How'd that go?"  CJ asked already knowing the answer since she had spoken to Donna briefly earlier... now she had trouble resisting the urge to knock him upside the head.

"Not well."  An understatement if Josh had ever heard one, but he couldn't admit to the horrible way he'd treated Donna, not even to himself.

"Go on... she nudged.

"I said some things..." Josh refused to make eye contact.  "Let's just say I wasn't as supportive as I could have been."  Josh finally looked up directly into CJ's eyes.

"Don't you think you should fix that?"  CJ saw the pain in his eyes and spoke softly.

"Yes."  Josh wanted to but he didn't know how.  He had just been so mad at her for abandoning him.  "But I really crossed the line, I'm not sure she'll forgive me."

"Josh, how many times have you done something stupid, or said something insensitive to Donna?"

Josh winced, but remained silent.  They both knew the number was too high to count.

"And how many times has she forgiven you?"

Josh fidgeted and looked down at his hands. "Every time... she's forgiven me every time."

"So, what about this run in you had with the First Lady?"  CJ changed the subject.

"She said I didn't see the silver lining in Donna no longer being my assistant."

"Did you ask her to what she was referring?" CJ tried not to smirk. This was too easy.

"She said that it was that Donna would no longer be my assistant!  She was mocking me!"  Josh said managing to look both indignant and sad at the same time.

"No, Josh, I don't think she was mocking you.  I think I know what Mrs. Bartlet was getting at..."

CJ paused and assessed her prey.  She didn't want to lead him too much.  Josh looked at her expectantly as he started to get impatient with her silence.  "Well?"

She decided on a tactic, it was like leading a lamb to slaughter. "Josh, why have you and Donna never dated?"

"She's my assistant." Josh answered automatically.

"She *was* your assistant, what about now?"

Josh looked anywhere but directly at CJ.

"Josh, why would you not date Donna now?"

Josh was silent for several long moments; there was no answer he could articulate and say out loud without admitting something big. The only clear way out of the question was to declare that he wouldn't date Donna because he didn't feel that way about her and something wouldn't let him say that.  "Technically she's still my assistant until tomorrow."  Josh answered lamely.

"Josh do you have feelings for Donna?"  CJ asked enjoying herself more than she probably should while making another human being so uncomfortable.

"Of course I have feelings for Donna she's one of my best friends."  Josh answered, traces of indignation showing up once again in his voice.

"No, Josh, do you have romantic feelings for Donna?"

"CJ, she's my assistant."  Josh said even more weakly than before.

"Josh, is Donna going to be your assistant tomorrow?"

"No."  Josh finally said in a voice that was barely above a whisper.  He wasn't sure he was ready to face this, why was CJ pushing it?  This could ruin everything, if he confronted this and something went wrong, he could lose Donna forever.  Josh didn't want to deal with these feelings and he certainly tried very hard not to think about them.  He just wanted things back to the way they were before... problem was, as an adult he knew that Josh and Donna as they were before, had vanished.   The days of just the two of them working together, laughing together, being a team, were no more.  But he knew why CJ was asking these questions, he had asked her to by coming here tonight.

"Josh is there any other reason besides you being her boss that you and Donna haven't acted on your feelings for each other?"

"Um," Josh looked furtively around the room for an escape when all of a sudden it hit him. "Feelings for each other?"  He whipped around and looked at CJ.  "What do you mean feelings for each other?  She has feelings for me?"

"Oh, Boy," CJ sighed.  "Josh, I don't know, but you have a thing with Donna and I think you would be, well, really stupid, if you didn't at least find out what the thing is."  She cleared her throat and motioned to her door, "Go think."

"Oh, then... okay...  I'm just gonna leave now... and think, I guess."  Josh began to back out of the room both his head and his heart spinning.  As he reached the door he paused. "CJ?"  She looked up from the paper she had begun reading when she'd dismissed him.  "Thanks."

She smiled, "Anytime," then shooed him away with her hand.  Josh began walking down the hall, feeling a little giddy, a little dizzy and to be truthful a little sick to his stomach all at the same time.  He always hoped and sometimes he thought maybe she had feelings for him, but he was never sure, ever.  There had been so many near misses and odd tender moments and weird jealousy between the two of them, it seemed impossible that there wasn't something.  He'd sleep on it... or lay awake all night obsessing over it, one or the other.

 

 

 

~MONDAY~

Donna made her way to her new office on her first day of work as the Chief of Staff to the First Lady of the United States.  Her heart was beating a mile a minute as she approached her new office; she was full of excitement... well excitement mixed with a pinch of dread.  She could do this, she knew she could, but it was Josh's voice she heard running through her mind now.  'This is about you not being ready!' he had said.  Well, yelled really.  She knew he was hurting and that he was lashing out because she was leaving him.  She 'got him' enough to know that, but it didn't stop the niggling doubts that his words caused.  She was conditioned to believe what he said and if she was honest with herself, his opinion was the one that mattered most.  The fact that it turned out that he didn't believe in her, hurt... a lot.

She'd spent the night worrying about the things he'd said to her. By the time she made it home, though, she was done with the crying.  The embarrassment of the First Lady, her new boss, seeing her cry over her old boss, was more than enough to dry her tears.   As the hours passed and she was unable to sleep her hurt had turned to anger and by the time morning rolled around she was just sad when she thought of him.  She was still incensed that he would say those things to her, she had expected him to use guilt on her, but she hadn't expected that he'd attack.  She was pretty sure that his words yesterday had sealed the fate on their friendship and as devastating as that was she was determined not to think about it today.  Well, she was determined to try and not think about it today.

She hadn't been completely successful in not thinking about him, but at least she didn't have to worry about running into him, she knew he would be at the trade talks most of the week.  That calmed her considerably and let her focus on her new job; she would just have to ignore the dull ache that she was left with when she thought of the end of her friendship with Josh.

 

 

 

~AIR FORCE ONE - EARLY TUESDAY~

"Josh... Josh" Charlie shook the man starring out the darkened window and tried to get his attention.

"Donna's not here." Josh mumbled before he realized Charlie was standing over him.

"Josh, you okay?  We're gonna be landing in 15 minutes."  Charlie shook his head at the rumpled visage of the Deputy Chief of Staff.  "Here's today's itinerary."  He said while handing him a packet, "You're to brief the President for the breakfast meetings on the way to the hotel.

"Right, of course, no problem." Josh rubbed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair in a familiar motion.

Before Charlie turned to leave he asked, "By the way what were you talking about when I was trying to get your attention?"

Josh looked alarmed, "I don't know, what did I say?"

"Something about Donna..."

"Oh, well, I must have been...um... you know... thinking about... you know..."  He fumbled.

"Man, you are so far gone." Charlie shook his head.

"What?"  Josh looked startled.

"Donna.  I'm just saying you are really far gone."

"I am not!" Josh retorted.

"You really are." Charlie replied studying him.  "Just so you know, you've been there for me, and I appreciated that... so, if you need me, we'll form a team... I'll be together with you on this."

Josh just smiled and nodded so Charlie began to walk away.

"She's really mad at me."  Josh said softly.

Charlie stopped and came back over at Josh's admission.  "Why?"

"Just some things I said on her last day... I... you know me." He looked for a way to explain, but couldn’t come up with anything.

"Have you talked to her since then?"

"Um... no," Josh looked suddenly very interested in the carpet.

"Well I don't know about Donna, but I usually find that flowers are a good way to start when you've said something stupid to a woman."

"Okay... yeah... alright.  Good idea."  Josh said thoughtfully.

Charlie once again turned to leave.

"Wait, Charlie, how am I supposed to send flowers from Geneva?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"You're the flower guy, you know, on the team."  Josh grinned.

"Shut up or I'm not helping you at all."  Charlie said over his shoulder.

THURSDAY EVENING

Donna was coming back to her office after a late afternoon meeting that had gone on way too long.  She'd been so busy since she started the job that, at least during the day, she hadn't had much time to think about Josh; since he hadn't been in the White House that had made it considerably easier.  She was really dreading his return.  She hadn't heard one word from him since Sunday night and she was beginning to think she wouldn't.

The second Donna entered her new office she saw them.  Right there on the large oak desk next to her computer, sat a huge bouquet of brightly colored blooms.  She gasped as she looked for a card, wondering who had sent them.   They were absolutely stunning, mostly lilies, tulips and roses.  Donna knew that an arrangement like that would have cost a least a couple hundred dollars which eliminated most of the people she knew as the sender.  She fumbled with the envelope her fingers becoming clumsier the closer she got to opening it.  Finally, she just tore into the paper and freed the card.

_Donatella -_

_You are brilliant and I believe in you.   I have never been as proud of anyone as I am of you right now._

She felt a lump forming in her throat.  The note wasn't signed but it didn't need to be.  As much as she'd vowed that she wouldn't blubber like some weepy drama queen while working at her new job, she couldn't help the single tear that escaped out the corner of her eye and made a wet trail down her cheek.  She was touched, but even so she needed to get a hold of herself.  She fluttered her eyelashes several times and wiped under her eyes to make sure she hadn't smudged her make up.

"So somebody sent you flowers?"  An unmistakable voice that was currently tinged with a note of anxiety asked from the doorway.

Her heart jumped into her throat, but she didn't turn around.  Taking a calming breath she replied, "Yes, *somebody* sent me flowers."

"Somebody?  Isn't there a card?"

"There is a card, but it's not signed."  She felt marginally composed now, enough to turn around at least.  "I'm sure they are from one of my admirers.  I have many you know."  She was facing him now, she had been trying for banter but her heart wasn't in it.  Apparently, even with flowers she hadn't forgiven him enough to reward him with banter.

He was standing in the doorway, a hand on either door jam, sporting an uncertain smile.  She could see the apprehension and... was it concern, written across his face.  "You like them?" he asked nervously.

She smiled finally making eye contact.  The intense look in his eye made her stomach tingle.  "I do like them, they're beautiful.  Somebody did a very good job picking them out."  She paused, not sure if she should say what was on the tip of her tongue.  Maybe she should let it go, but part of her knew she couldn't.  She looked him directly in the eye, "Somebody must have been a pretty big jackass to warrant sending such an arrangement."

He blushed.  She couldn't believe it he was actually blushing. "Maybe it's not so much that somebody was a jackass, but more that somebody wanted you to start the first week at your new job right."  He cocked his eyebrow at her.  He was obviously gaining confidence in his ability to win her back with every passing second.

She couldn't have that. "No, I'm pretty sure somebody was a jackass."

"Okay, somebody was a jackass."  She saw something flicker across his eyes, shame maybe?

Suddenly something occurred to her, "What are you doing here?"

"Um..."  He said nervously, "Giving you flowers?"

"No, I mean aren't you still suppose to be in Switzerland?"

He smiled, she still knew his schedule, granted it had only been a week, but something about it comforted him, "Oh... The President decided to leave this morning instead of tonight so... I'm back.  I think he wanted to surprise the First Lady..."  He looked at the ceiling, "Anyway CJ, Toby, Charlie and some of the others want to take you out for drinks to celebrate the first week of your new job."  He was bouncing now, from the balls of his feet to his heels and back again.  She knew he did it when he was nervous or excited, she wondered which he was right now.

"Oh... That sounds nice."  Actually, an evening out with her old friends sounded really nice.  And maybe just maybe he was coming around.

"Yeah?"  He asked.

"Sure."  Donna rewarded him with a small smile, but she still had a nagging voice telling her not to forgive him just yet, so she tempered it with, "It's nice that CJ, Toby and Charlie want to take me out."

Josh ignored the fact that she failed to mention him and focused on the fact that she had agreed to go, "So Friday night, we celebrate?"

"Yes."

"Okay."  He turned to leave but stopped right outside the door and watched her cross to the back of her desk and survey it. She was so beautiful.  He couldn't help but stare, she looked confident, professional and in command behind the desk.  She really was a different woman from the one that walked into his life all those years before.   He was going to tell her all that. In fact he was going to tell her right now. "Donna..." He started, but as soon as she looked up it felt like someone was squeezing his heart and he chickened out, instead all he said was, "You look good here."  He was rewarded with a smile a little brighter than the last.

********************************************

Donna was of two minds, on one hand Friday night couldn't come soon enough.  It had been an invigorating but long week and frankly she could use a drink and some time with friends. During the week she had met with everyone on the First Ladies staff, as well as numerous times with Mrs. Bartlet herself, and they had prioritized an agenda and outlined a game plan.  Donna loved it so far and she felt confident that she was going to be pretty darn good at it.  She knew in her heart she'd made the right decision to take the job.

However, she was still uneasy... because Friday night also meant that she had to see Josh.  Everything had seemed okay last night, but she still had no idea where they stood.  The pit that was growing in her stomach was either excitement or dread; or perhaps a big 'ol mixture of both.

Josh was exhausted.  Partly because he'd been to Europe and back in the last couple of days, partly because he'd tackled at least a dozen meetings while he was there and partly because, even when he was able to find time to sleep, he couldn't.  He'd been haunted by the words he'd said to Donna and worried that she wouldn't fully forgive him and at the same time elated at the prospect of seeing her Friday night.  She had seemed receptive to him when he'd given her the flowers and he was encouraged.  He couldn't remember the last time they'd gone four and a half days without seeing or speaking to one another.  And quite frankly he was coming to the realization that he never wanted to do it again.  He was also recognizing that he was going to have to do something about it before he lost his chance for good... and quite simply it scared him.

When Donna arrived, CJ, Toby, and Josh were already there.  She silently cursed her stomach full of butterflies, and hoped her alabaster skin wasn't announcing to the world how nervous she was.  It only got worse once she saw him.  He was looking right at her as she approached, but he wasn't smirking and he wasn't glaring, he looked almost... bashful.

"Hi Guys." Donna tried hard to sound casual.

"Donna!"  CJ cried as she jumped up to hug her. "How are you?  How is the job?  Do you love it?"  Donna smiled at her enthusiastic friend who was obviously anticipating awkwardness and thus over compensating.

"It's been great."  She said and then looked directly at Josh, "really great."  Josh looked down, not able to hold her eye as she talked about how great her new situation was without him.  "But I'm going to miss you guys."  He looked up hopeful, but saw her smiling at CJ and Toby instead of him.  When her gaze rested back on him she was undone by the look in his eye and relented "all of you."  He rewarded her with a small but dimpled grin.

"Well we've missed you, too."  CJ confided.  "The West Wing hasn't been the same without you."

"I've only been out of the West Wing for a week."  Donna said laughing and swatting CJ lightly on the arm.  She smiled genuinely, "Plus I saw you this morning."

"Well, true, but still... let's get you a drink."  CJ grabbed Donna's arm and led her to the bar.

Once they reached their destination, CJ turned to her, "So, really, everything is good?"

Donna grinned at her friend, "Yes, I really like it, it's a little unnerving having all these people looking at me for direction, but it's not really unfamiliar as Josh had me direct our staff all the time anyway."

"Our staff?"  CJ questioned.

"You know what I mean."  Donna looked a little horrified before laughing at her slip.

"Yes, I'm afraid I do."  CJ snickered.  "I always knew you were running that place.  But seriously, did you get a look at idiot boy?"

"Why... what do you mean?"  Donna tried to appear nonchalant.

"Donna?"  One raised eyebrow from CJ was all it took to break Donna.

"Yes, I noticed he looks... let's just say not good."

"Ya' think?"  CJ prodded, "He's falling apart."

"I think you're being a little melodramatic there CJ."  Donna scoffed, but the evil part of her was a little... relieved to think that he might have been as unhappy about their fight as she'd been the last couple of days.

 "I'm not.  He's completely lost his swagger!"

"What!?"  Donna almost choked on her drink.

"You know his obnoxious swagger, I swear to you it's gone.  You've stripped him of it."

Donna couldn't stop giggling and CJ just smiled at her.

"Seriously, are you okay after everything that went on between you two?

"Yeah, I mean I know why he did it, but just because I understand him does not mean its okay for him to treat me that way.  I've spent years justifying his behavior and I'm not going to do it anymore.  But the flowers were absolutely gorgeous and way over the top... so we'll see, forgiveness might be in his future."

"He sent you flowers?"  CJ looked surprised.

"Yeah, and a nice note."  She could feel the heat rise a little in her cheeks and hoped the ever observant Press Secretary wouldn't notice.  "Maybe he's coming around to accepting my new job."

"Well just so you know I think he's pretty torn up about the whole thing.  Toby told me he found him on Air Force One staring at the seats where the two of you used to sit together."

"Oh Jeez."  Donna groaned trying to hide the smile she felt at the silly story that was most probably not true.  "Let's get back there."  This time it was Donna's turn to drag CJ.

When they got back they found that Will, Margaret, Carol and Charlie had joined the party.

The rest of the night passed quite pleasantly, Carol and Margaret ribbing Charlie about his latest girlfriend and questioning him about what was up with Zoey.  Toby and Will were tacitly getting along, of course CJ sitting between them helped that peace accord to success and Josh and Donna across the table for one another.  They were both so skittish it was like they hadn't spent the last seven years together reading one another's minds.

Finally, Donna decided it was ridiculous, she ventured a good look at him; he was absolutely adorable despite looking more than a little haggard.  'No, no, no!' She thought, trying to will herself to find him unattractive.  It was impossible.  She was always attracted to him even when his eyes were a little blood shot and sporting dark circles underneath them.  "What's wrong with you?" She asked quietly across the table, their friends busy in conversation on either side of them. "You look like hell."

"Well thank you, Donna.  That is very flattering."

"I mean it Josh, are you already not taking care of yourself?  I've been gone less than a week."

"You don't have to remind me how long you've been gone.  I've kept good track of that on my own." He tried to smile to soften his words, realizing they had come out harsher than he had intended, but it didn't reach his eyes.

She was a little stung by the bitterness that had seeped through his tone, she flicked her eyes to their companions to make sure they were still talking amongst themselves, "You don't have to start with me... I'm just worried about you, although why I have no idea."

"It's just jet-lag, Donna.  I'm a very important man and I was doing very important work."  He joked trying to lighten the mood between them; they couldn't have a serious conversation here in front of all their friends.  He knew he was supposed to be trying to win her back.  Trouble was he didn't really know if that was possible and every time he opened his mouth he was afraid he was going to say the wrong thing.

She let it go and vowed to enjoy the rest of the evening with her friends.

*****************************

Donna waved bye to Toby and CJ as they got into a cab.  She then turned stiffly back to Josh who was standing behind her on the sidewalk.  They were the last ones left.   She wasn't exactly sure since when White House staffers, who routinely worked until all hours of the night, suddenly now seemed to turn into pumpkins at 10pm on a Friday night, but Charlie had mumbled something about some team and everyone had started to yawn and talk about how late it was.  She ventured a look at Josh, "So?"

"So..." He answered back.

"I guess that's it." This evening had not gone at all like she had hoped.  The only time the two of them had talked to one another they'd been snippy.

"I guess so."  He tried to read her eyes; he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do.  She was standing in front of him looking absolutely beautiful and he knew what he wanted to do.  He wanted to grab her and kiss her senseless, but once again he was paralyzed when faced with making a move.  It was ridiculous; no 42-year-old man should be this insecure when it came to the woman he loved.  'Loved?' Oh boy, that was something he hadn't yet admitted to himself, now he absolutely felt like jumping out of his skin.

After they'd stood in silence for several seconds she shook her head and turned away from him, back towards the street.   She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up after the flowers; apparently nothing was going to change.  She could live with that.  Of course she was going to have to stop off for some Ben & Jerry's and massive amounts of tequila on the way home, but she could find a way to live with it.  She sighed and wondered what flavor of Ben & Jerry's would best mix with tequila to make a Jose Cuervo milkshake.  'Where was a damn taxi when you needed one?'  She thought as she desperately scanned the street, she needed to get out of there and soon before she started crying in front of him or something equally as stupid.

He watched her looking for a taxi, obviously anxious to get away from him.  He slumped in resignation until she looked back at him furtively and he saw a glimpse of disappointment in her eyes and it gave him hope.  He blurted, "Donna do you want to come over?"  She turned back towards him.  He could feel her eyes on him, assessing his motives, so he continued, "I mean it's early we could watch a movie or something..."

She continued to study him for a minute before answering, "Do I get to pick the movie?"

*********************************************

"Do you want a drink?"

"Sure, do you have any tequila?"  Donna called from the living room as she slowly paced back and forth in front of the coffee table.  She had probably been in his living room hundreds of times and was usually perfectly comfortable there, but tonight she was anxious.   She noticed, as he returned from the kitchen, that he'd ignored her request for tequila and was holding two beers instead.

"Probably for the best..."  She took the beer he offered and opened it while he settled himself back on the couch.  He motioned for her to sit next to him.  She tentatively sat beside him, but didn't relax.  With her back rod straight she perched on the edge of the sofa, careful not to touch him.

"Donna, sit back and relax.  You can't watch a movie like that."

"True, but I also can't sit back... it would give you the wrong idea."

"What wrong idea?"

"The idea that you are completely forgiven and that everything is okay between us."

He took a deep breath.  He figured this was coming, "Oh that idea.  I thought maybe the flowers and the note..."

She turned toward him so that their knees were touching, but she didn't look him in the eye, her gaze was fixed to his chest. "You said very mean things to me, things designed to undermine my confidence and make me feel bad.  You were a jackass, a mean jackass.  The flowers and note are the reason I'm here, but that's as far as they got you."

Despite the fact that she was berating him and calling him a jackass, he thought that he'd never seen her more adorable; just looking at her he felt his heart lurch.  He couldn't believe he had hurt someone he cared about so much, so badly, and suddenly nothing else mattered but making it right.

"Donna."  She was still staring at his chest.  Josh briefly wondered if she could see how fast his heart was beating right now, if she could it would give her a clear indication of what he was about to do.  He reached out and gently lifted her chin so that she met his gaze.  Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, and he felt his insides go to pieces. That's when he knew that probably neither of them was going to get through this with dry eyes.  Usually he hated to cry, wasn't manly, but surprisingly right now he didn't care.

"Donna," He started again, taking a deep breath.  "I'm sorry."  That's when the first of her tears began to spill.  He reached up and brushed the tears away with his thumb.  "You're right.  I was a mean jackass and I did say things to undermine your confidence and I'm sorry.  If it makes it any better I don't think I knew that at the time.  I think I thought I was looking out for you."

"But..." Donna tried to interrupt but Josh silenced her by putting his finger to her lips.

"Please let me get through this or I may never get it out."  She nodded.  "I was crazy at the idea of you leaving me.  I felt abandoned, I know it's no excuse but I was... I was grief stricken."  It was Donna's turn to reach up and cup Josh's cheek with her hand.  She couldn't help it, he was softening her resolve and the anger she had been carrying was starting to melt. "Maybe I convinced myself that it was in your best interest not to take the job because I wanted you to stay with me, but I want you to know that I don't and I didn't mean the things that I said.  I think you are the most amazing, exceptional, intelligent, capable, beautiful woman in the world."

"Josh..." she said choked up and unable to say more.  He took both her hands in his.  "I mean it, Donna. I believe in you and I believe you're going to be great at this job and I support you from here on out, no matter what, a hundred percent."

Donna didn't know what to say, but she had an overwhelming need to hold him, she reached forward and wrapped her arms around his neck.  Josh's hands instantly circled her waist as he leaned forward to pull her closer to him.  He buried his face in her neck and she ran her fingers through his hair as she clutched him.  After several minutes, Donna finally pulled away, she'd stopped crying but tears still stained her face.

"I must look a mess." She gave him a shy smile.

"I don't think so." Josh said as he wiped the rest of the moisture away.

Donna felt her heart flip at the look in his eyes, so she took a chance, "So what turned you around?"

"What do you mean?"  Josh quizzed.

"Well my last night working for you, you said all those things, and then I don't hear from you for practically a whole week -"

"I was in Geneva!"  He defended.

"I know, but I still didn't hear from you and then yesterday I had two hundred dollars worth of flowers on my desk with that... beautiful note."  He could feel his face turning pink. "Something must have happened?"

"Well..."  He couldn't do this, not now... but what better time?  The pressure of seven years of unresolved feelings, of innuendo and tension, and of denial had come crashing down on him the last few weeks.  He'd just barred his soul to her; maybe it was now or never.  He looked into her eyes and immediately got his answer.

"The First Lady came to talk to me that night after you left."

"She did.  Why?"

"She wanted to tell me to... well... she told me that I had missed the silver lining."

"What silver lining?"

"The silver lining to the you no longer being my assistant thing."

"Which was?"

"That you would no longer be my assistant."  As soon as Josh said it he saw the confusion registering on her face.

"I don't get it."  He smiled as he remembered his own confusion at the concept.

Josh took a deep breath; this was it, his heart raced even faster, something he wasn't sure was possible. He placed his hands on either side of her face, gently caressing her cheeks with his thumbs, and leaned forward until they were only inches apart.  "Well the silver lining is if you were no longer my assistant and I was no longer your boss then... if we both wanted to, of course... there would be the possibility of doing this..."  He took one last appraising glance at her, checking for any sign of horror or hesitation on her part, he saw none.  He leaned forward and was encouraged by the fact that Donna did the same. The first time he pressed his lips to hers was... perfect. Even though it was gentle and slow, he still felt the electricity pass between them the second their lips touched.  He pulled away after several long moments, slightly out of breath, but not letting go of her face.  He searched her eyes trying to read her mind; at that moment he would have given a kingdom for psychic abilities.

"Donna?"  He broke the silence.

"Hmmmm."

"Are you going to say anything?"  She just looked at him.   When she showed no signs of obliging he continued, "See 'cause I just kissed you after wanting to do so, since about five minutes after I first met you."  She still said nothing.  "It's kind of a relationship changing type of occur...."

Donna launched herself at him in answer, tackling him so that they were both now prone on the coach and she was mostly on top.   This time she kissed him, and it wasn't soft and it wasn't gentle.  It was needy and full of passion, and he reciprocated.  Her tongue entwined with his, his arms wrapped around her his fingers caressing her back. She ran her hands up his chest between them, one hand staying on his heart the other reaching for the curls on the back of his neck to pull him closer.

The stayed like that for quite some time; enjoying tasting and touching one another for the first time.  He felt warm and solid under her touch.  She'd dreamt many times of what it would feel like to kiss Josh, to feel Josh and this was beyond all she had imagined.  She felt the hem of her shirt tug and his fingers playing across the skin of her now exposed lower back.  She tingled everywhere; it felt so good and even though she didn't want it to stop she knew if they were going to stop at all it had to be soon.  "Josh," She whispered hoarsely.

"Uh huh," He answered as he trailed soft kisses down her jaw.  She moaned softly, maybe a few more minutes wouldn't hurt.

Several minutes later she felt her shirt rising even higher and she knew however much she wanted to continue, that was her cue.  "Josh we're moving too fast."  She uttered, not quite able to think clearly because he'd moved to nibble on her neck.

"Donna," He stopped long enough to look up at her and smirk, "I know you're feeling a little intoxicated on Lyman-love but may I remind you, you attacked me."  He went back to pressing his lips to the soft skin on the hollow right above her shoulder.

"Lyman-Love?" She groaned as she sat up and detangled herself from him. "You are such a nerd."

"Hey, where are you going, come back down here." He whined giving her his best puppy dog look, using his brown eyes for all they were worth. "Please..." her resolve almost dissipated completely, but not quite.

"Josh, we have to talk."

"Donna, all we've done for seven years is talk."  He said as he grudgingly sat up, he leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I want to do this some more."  He began to gently suck on the skin beneath her ear.

Donna felt pleasure shoot through her whole body and moaned audibly, but after a few seconds was still able to reach up and put her hands on either side of his head.  She pulled him so they were face-to-face, but still close enough that she could feel his breath on her face.

"I'm not easy, Joshua." She whispered.

"Donnatella, trust me when I say I didn't think you were."  He sighed and leaned back, resigning himself to conversation.

She turned towards him.  "It's just that this is sort of sudden for me."

"What do you mean sudden?  We've known each other for seven years."  He looked at her earnestly his hair sticking out in every direction, his tie loosened and his shirt un-tucked and rumpled; all in all she decided he looked deliciously disheveled and more than a little tempting.

"Exactly," she nodded trying to shake the thought of delicious Josh out of her mind.  "Seven years of you being my boss, of us being friendly co-workers..." She paused and sighed, "but nothing more.  Then one night you kiss me - "

"You kissed me back!" He yelped.

Donna blushed. "Yes Josh, I kissed you back, but after seven years I'm not ready to fall into bed with you the moment after the first moment we kissed after seven years of me being nothing to you!"

"Huh?"  He laughed and allowed a broad grin to spread across his face.

"Josh you know what I mean."  Donna lightly whacked his chest with a throw pillow from the couch.

"Donna you've never been nothing to me." Josh was looking directly at her now, laughter gone, speaking softly but with conviction.

"I know and you've never been nothing to me, but I've never been something to you so this is new, brand new."

"Again trust me when I tell you that you have always been something to me.  Always." He reached over and grabbed her hand, slowly pressing circles on that back of it with his thumb.  "I take issue with your description of us as friendly co-workers, because... well I don't think of you that way."  Her face fell so he quickly continued before she jumped to the wrong conclusion.  "Donna I don't think of us as just friendly co-workers, because you're my best friend."  She looked at him with wide tender eyes, but Josh could still see some insecurity there.  "Not only are you my best friend..." He said trying to find a way to reassure her and wipe away her trepidation, "But there has always been more between us than friendship.  I know you've felt it... I know you know that."

"Well I knew... I just didn't know you knew." She acknowledged.

Josh laughed again and questioned, "You knew, but you didn't know I knew?"

"Josh, I have always known that there is something between us, but a few months ago you were...doing whatever it is you do with Amy and a few weeks ago you were asking me if you should ask Joey Lucas out... so yes, discovering that you've always felt *something* for me is... a bit surprising and finding myself being kissed by you on your couch seems like..." She searched for the word, "Whiplash."

He suddenly looked very anxious, "Whiplash, that doesn't sound good.  Are you saying... you're not saying that you don't want to do this?  Are you?"

She smiled at him, bringing her hand up to his cheek.  "Oh Josh you can be so very clueless, actually we're both clueless."  She leaned over and gave him a lingering kiss on the lips. "I want this," She said in a husky voice once she broke the kiss, "I just want to know that it's really what you want."  She looked at him searchingly.  "That you're not just missing me in the office and therefore stumbling sideways into me."  She leaned back and gave him a penetrating gaze.

He gave her a small smile.  "First of all, yes I miss you, I miss you whenever you're not with me and not just in the office... and it's pretty much always been that way.  And as for Amy, she was..." He paused to search for the right word. "a mistake amid all the stress of the kidnapping... and Joey Lucas..."  He couldn't hide his grin, "She's a friend, but I haven't been interested in her in years and so I was clearly trying to make you jealous.  I wanted to see if you cared whether I asked her out or not.  That plan obviously backfired."

"Yeah" she interrupted. "I didn't get that."

He chuckled before looking seriously at her again.  "And one more thing I should tell you, although as a master strategist I think it's a bad move on my part at this early stage of our relationship, because to make an admission such as this is to give you the upper hand, but I'm going to do it anyway." He took a deep breath and looked at their intertwined hands, "No matter who I was with or who you were with, for me," He looked up into her eyes now willing her to believe him, "deep down... my heart has always belonged to you Donna.  But it, us, scared me in a way my relationships with other women never could, because this." He squeezed her hand, "is real."  Tears once again threatened to spill onto Donna's cheeks, but this time his eyes were misty too.  He smiled and brushed a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear before leaning over kissing her again.  Her arms circled his neck and they spent several very long minutes enjoying the silence that resulted when both of their mouths were otherwise occupied.

Josh broke the kiss.  "However, I think you're right."

She pouted at his pulling away from her, "About what?"

He smiled at the adorable look on her face, "Let's take it slow."

"Okay."  She drawled.

"You deserve the whole package, Donna, not just an immediate relationship." The exuberant expression on his face revealed his dimples. "You deserve a courtship..." He thought for a second before finishing triumphantly, "You deserve to be wooed!"

"Wooed?" She asked trying to look at him like he was crazy but she couldn't stop smiling long enough to find the sarcasm needed to pull off a look like that.

"Yes, woo Donna.  I can woo."

"No, Josh, you really can't."

It was his turn to pout.  "Don't you want me to try to woo you?"

She relented at the expression on his face, "Well... wooing could be fun."

Josh smiled victoriously.  "How about this, for tonight, why don't you lean back and relax..." He grabbed one of the untouched beer bottles off of the coffee table, "Here, we'll share a beer while we watch..." he looked down at the DVD case on the table, "Bill Murray lose his translation with the earring girl."  She let a giggle escape as she watched him look unsuccessfully for the TV remote under the couch cushions.

"Are you going to make fun of the woo, Donna?"

"No, sir, I'm enjoying the woo."  He looked at her pointedly as she tried to school her expression into a serious one. "I swear, Josh, the woo is well on it's way to working... but the remote is actually on the table by the lamp."

"Ahhh," He leaned over and grabbed the remote and turned off the light before motioning for her to lean back on the couch.  "I'll put my arm around you like this. And if there is some making out during the movie or some very chaste light groping, so be it, that's not against the wooing rules."

"Joshua," Donna sighed as she snuggled into his side and rested her head on his shoulder.  "I think I'm going to like the woo... a lot."

"Yeah?"  She could hear the smile in his voice.

"Actually I'm pretty sure I'm going to like all of it a lot."

"Me too, Donnatella, me too."

The End


End file.
